Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
