Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
