i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
