dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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