Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
