I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
