you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
