Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Sacagawea was the original milf.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
