dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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