here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
