i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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