im drinking this country out of the recession.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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