I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
