I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
