Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
