i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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