we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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