I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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