You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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