dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
