I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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