I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
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You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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