Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
