Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
