sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
