yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
