i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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