whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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