So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
