my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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