i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
