You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
