How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
