I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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