And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
