how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
