She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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