It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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