FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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