her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
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I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
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I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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