if only i could text you this smell
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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