I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
