you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My balls are so social today.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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