Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
