Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
