do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
