he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She told me I should be a condom model.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
false alarm, still single
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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