So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have aggressive nipples.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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