We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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