Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
