The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize