Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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