I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
