We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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