ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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