I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I came so hard my ears popped.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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