She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
