while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
