imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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