The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
