The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
