Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
