dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He shit in the fireplace
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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