dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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