I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
