you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
