I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
