i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
