my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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