I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
