Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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