forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Randomize
