I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
