He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
