Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
