I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
