i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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