I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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