Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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