how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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