hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
