i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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