if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
