I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
