8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
