Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
