there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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