im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
