my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
