It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
