I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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